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| I have applied for 31 jobs since November 12th. No call backs so far… just a few rejection emails. Which I guess is okay, because I was starting “big” – applying for jobs like: assistant store manager, office manager, and training coordinator. Having no previous management experience (just banking on my degree to generate interest) I was far from guaranteed on any call backs for this type of position. But, more recently, I have started to apply for positions such as department supervisor, shift supervisor, and sales supervisor – a step or two below the assistant store manager position. Have to wait and see if there is any interest there. The next step after that will be to go back to my original plan (which, who knows, may be all for the best anyway) which was to get a general customer service job: bank teller, cashier, call center, etc.
In the meantime, I am grateful to be able to substitute teach. I am working 3-5 days a week (mostly depending on how distraught the previous day's work has left me  ). I wouldn’t say that I like the job itself too much but there are a lot of upsides: short daytime work hours (I don’t have to do all the at home schoolwork that Luke does!), good pay, flexibility (I get to wake up each morning and decide if I want to work that day or not!), no weekend work, etc. Subbing is hard on me psychologically though. All my life I’ve pretty much been able to learn a job, work hard, and do very well at it. But teaching doesn’t work that way, or at least, I haven’t had the training or experience on how to do it yet. I try my best and yet the results are often not the greatest. I mean, I’m sure there are a lot of worse substitutes out there but I hate to feel as if I’m not good at my job, even if it is just a temporary one. And sometimes it does goes pretty well, which is reassuring that not all hope is lost!  I’m still on the lookout for another temp. job in the meantime. I’m considering baby sitting, being a mystery shopping, or doing seasonal work for UPS, among other random things. I won’t complain too much about my situation because, all in all, it is really good and I am very thankful.  The best part is not having the burden of being unemployed hanging over me all the time, where I would be stressing about “needing” to find a job immediately. Thank God for temporary work! But I am trying to learn to be at peace no matter what the situation. I don’t remember how it is written in scripture but basically it says: to learn to be content whether in abundance or in want. When I begin to feel anxious I try to remember that. | | |
| I used to be so unhappy but now I have much more joy. "Where does this joy come from?" I asked myself recently. I thought maybe it was a result of maturing; my mood swings no longer swung me as often into depression. But I don’t think it is that, or at least it is not that alone. I truly believe that my more stable/more joyful outlook on life is to be credited to a “paradigm shift” that happened in my mind and spirit (and continues to happen more each day): the shift from seeking my happiness as the meaning of my life - to seeking God and his ways as the meaning of my life. This shift was only able to happen with the help of the love and guidance of others and with the gradual surrendering of my own resistance. Why do we resist surrendering our lives to the Lord when, in the end, it will bring us and others greater harmony and joy? The answer is obvious – it is a very difficult thing to do, often with us kicking and fighting against ourselves and God the entire way! In every day and every moment of trial I must surrender to God’s peace. And when I am able to do this, I find that his promise holds true that “the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” Life simply has more meaning for me now - and understanding the “larger picture,” even just a little bit, helps me to live better and more intentionally (with a sense of purpose). I certainly don’t have it all figured out but it is enough for me, for this present moment, to accept my understanding for what it is and I do not have a need to pretend that I know more than I do. I would like to have more knowledge and I continue to try to do so but I am no longer striving in the (negative) way that I used to do, the way that felt like there was no meaning and no answers. How lost and confused I used to be! And there are many more who are still caught up in the struggle and who are without hope... I try to find ways to share the hope that I have been given, although I am still not sure how to do so (perhaps more on that in another entry).
Praise be to God, for I was lost but now am found!
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Our stellar team: Luke, me, Alan, and Alex!
The stencil Luke made, which looked great on our shirts - and the Lumina! 
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| I just got back from an ultimate league game. I sometimes wonder if I’m out of my LEAGUE playing in it – I mean, these people are serious! It is SO different from pick-up frisbee – there is a lot of strategy and planned plays. A typical play might sound *something* like this (I don't really have all the terms used correctly so, true ultimate experts, please forgive me):
“Okay, we’re doing zone – Josh, Jeff, and Elise do cup. Force home. Alan, you play swing and drop. Julz, be ready for the dump. Angela, you’re a deep. (Meaning: Stay on the sidelines but run up and down the field randomly until we tell you to stop, but we’re not gonna throw to you.) Josh is apex. When we yell “Elvis” the disc goes to Nate.”
I swear I am NOT making this up. Haha. Okay, I am exaggerating - playing in the league is not really going THAT badly. Occasionally I even do something RIGHT. And the folks on my team are actually are very kind and encouraging. But I am soo lost sometimes (most of the time?!?!). Luke wants to play on the Spring league… I haven’t decided if I am skilled enough to become competitive at that level. Perhaps I should try it at least one more time anyway… no matter how much I suck in a game, I cannot deny the irresistible pull towards the disc. Even in the same instant when I am thinking, “Please DON’T throw it to ME!” I am sprinting to get open and yelling for the disc. What is this apparent contradiction? It’s just an ADDICTION to ultimate - skill level not withstanding, apparently. | | |
| Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right.
~Henry Ford (Just a quote I keep thinking of, now and again. And also something else that Luke says: Never make a decision based on your weakness. Decide what to do based on your strengths.) The days seem to be going by much faster now that I am employed at least part-time. I am almost done with the honeymoon scrapbook as well - at least, the end is in sight. I am amazed at how long it's taken to complete it! I now remember why I stopped scrapbooking in the first place - it's just too time-consuming! But the results are good and we'll have it forever so, in that way, I guess it's worth it. I am really glad that we're not doing one for the wedding at any rate! In more exciting news: we bought a kayak on craigslist! It's an old canvas one and very light. It needs some repair but we should have it water-worthy sometime pretty soon. We're also hoping to get involved in some church activities here in Newark. I think that might help me not to feel so homesick for the Lancaster area and will be a good way to have more of a connection here. We talked about it and it sounds like we'll probably be here for another year-and-a-half yet. I'm not real thrilled about that, but am trying to accept it with peace. There are lots of good things and good people in this area. I just have to open my heart and my eyes to see them! The fact is that I can either accept that I am going to be here for a while and embrace it, or continue to be homesick and fight against the changes that will inevitable come. ("The only thing that is constant in life is change.") | | |
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